Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
