i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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