I want to stick my p in your. b.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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