Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
