She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
