It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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