I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
