just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Randomize
