the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
