I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
