In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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