How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
