Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
