well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
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Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
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His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.