i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine