WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.