I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.