fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
