My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
