Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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