uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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