Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
