You made me cry and you don't even care
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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