she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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