We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
