I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
