when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
