everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
