If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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