watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
