just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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