the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
