How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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