just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
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So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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