Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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