Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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