Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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