we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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