I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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