So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
