Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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