Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
