oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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