Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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