Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My dick has a subreddit
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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