Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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