you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
