I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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