i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hippo gnu deer
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
