if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
