Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
