Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Two words: blizzard sex
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
