I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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