The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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