I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
