I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
