Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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