I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Randomize
