babies were throwing up all over the place
My balls are so social today.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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