M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize