in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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