Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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