I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
