hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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