I just gift wrapped bread.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
