you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
