so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dignity is for republicans.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
