break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
