Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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