btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
