Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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