Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
